Light on his Loafers

Back from a very long hiatus. School's had me busy and I just haven't felt like updating. But I have so many stories...read on!

Every girl's worst fear, next to turning a guy gay, is hooking up with one who's already an obvious flamer.

Yes, you know precisely where this is going.

My friends and I were amidst a drunken night at our guy friend's apartment when in walked Light Loafers.

Name: Light Loafers

Age: 20

History: We met that night.

The Catch: Homeboy's so deep in the closet that he's finding Christmas presents.

The first thing I noticed? He was gorgeous. Tall, chiseled body, the most captivating pale blue eyes, a model's face, soft hair that fell across his eyes...I wouldn't be surprised to leave my local Abercrombie and Fitch and see him half naked on my shopping bag. 

I wasn't even going to try. "He's too good for me," I figured. At first glance, he was out of my league. (Insert clever sports reference here playing upon the word "league". Sorry, it's been awhile. I'm lazy.)

After my 457329452th beer, I was found myself a tad woozy. I excused myself to my friend's room and plopped down upon the bed by myself. Just then, the door to the adjoining bathroom opened. I hadn't realized that Light Loafers had been occupying it. He joined me on the bed and introduced himself.

We began to talk - about life, about ourselves, about anything. He seemed to be the perfect catch, so interested in anything and everything I had to say. He told me he was a vocalist, and I felt myself falling.

Then, the kiss came. The next thing I knew, I was in his car, giddy at the prospect of my good fortune. I was about to spend the night with LL.

Clue number one: A guy this gorgeous isn't that easy to bag. I literally did nothing in pursuit of LL. He fell into my lap with an uncanny amount of ease. At the time, I called it luck.

He started the car. "Do you want to hear some music?" he asked. He popped in a CD and turned to look at me. "I know this might sound kind of gay, but I really want to prove to you that I can sing." 

Clue number two: He skipped to track seven - N'Sync's "This I Promise You". He proceeded to serenade me for four minutes. He knew every word. I was eleven or so years old when the song came out, and even I don't know every word. Of course, being a girl, I found it endearing. "He has a sensitive side!"

Picture Matt Damon. Now, make him slightly taller, more muscular and younger. Splash in a little Titantic-era Leonardo DiCaprio. But he's got better hair and college boy charm. Got a visual? Good. Now imagine you're about to go home with him. Yeah, now we're in business.

As we walked up the stairs to his apartment - him in front of me - I literally could not restrain myself from jumping up and down in celebration of officially becoming the luckiest girl ever. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Was he for real?

Clue number three: Once in the door, we had sex, and he seemed like he had no idea what to do. I'll spare you the details, but a guy blessed with those kinds of looks should be getting some on a daily basis. There was no reason that LL should not have been at sex god status. Of course, being a girl, I found it endearing (again). "He's just nervous!"

Clue number four: Five minutes later, these words came out of his mouth. "Would you be at all interested in having sex again?" Who says that?

After time number two, he still didn't get any better. 

Clue number five: In the morning, there was no exchange of numbers. I wrote it off as typical male.

Clue number six: I looked him up on Facebook as soon as I got home. Turns out, LL is a model, and the only pictures he's uploaded to his Facebook profile are him posing in an extremely homosexual manner. I thought nothing of it. Again, typical girl.

Clue number seven: I showed my best guy friend. The first word out of his mouth? "Flamer." 

I vehemently denied the allegation. Until now. As I first began to type this blog post, I planned on writing about having relations with a guy who you know is sooo out of your league. Then, as I began to write, I realized the story's true angle. 

I haven't heard from or seen LL since that night. But, if my best guy friend had never pointed it out to me, I'd still think of LL as "the potential 'one' that got away". Are we so hopeful to find that perfect guy that we can overlook a flaw so obvious?

Waiting for her gaydar to come back from the shop,

R